Love Lost
by cactuspd
Summary: she thought she did what was right. she thought she just gave him what he deserves. so why is her heart and sould dying, at the sight of her beloved waiting by the altar for his new bride to be?


**DISCLAIMER: me no own bleach, ok?**

**[A/N]**

**I heard this song in the radio while working and them bam! I couldn't get it out of my head. The lines kept repeating over and over and over in my head, with this story following closely behind. And all through out the 8 hours duty, I had been thinking and thinking of this story. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without putting this one down out into paper and ink. ( typed and saved in my computer)**

**This is, well, different from the ones I usually write. So I would suggest you read it all through first, before closing the whole page. I have a feeling this will create a lot of should I just say confusion, or maybe even violent reactions, but again I implore you. Read it through first, even the author's note at the end. It is imperative that you do. **

**This is untitled as of yet, so im going to use the title of the song featured here as a working title.**

**So, please do enjoy…**

Rukis took a deep calming breath. Her nerves were frayed, her muscles tightly coiled and high strung. Her chest felt heavy, her heart laden with misery, and her throat was constricting with emotions so painful and excruciating.

She held the hilt of her sheathed sword tighter, ordering the clamoring emotions within her to settle. She shouldn't even be here. All she was doing was torturing her self. Tormenting herself with the vision of the only man she had ever loved waiting at the end of the church aisle for another woman to become his better half.

Maybe it was for the better. It was what she had wanted for him right? He deserved to be happy. To be able to live a quiet and fulfilled life. A life without her. A lone tear slipped from Rukia's eye, yet she didn't even notice it. The man standing by the altar looked a lot different from the man that she had left years ago. He's changed. Changed so much that her heart aches to see just a glimpse of the man that she had always loved but let go a long time ago.

It was she who had left, Rukia reminded herself. She could still see vividly in her mind how he had fought for her, for their love. He had defied all the rules, had triumphed over her brother and had gained the respect of the sou taichu. All for her, for them, so that they could have a life together. But she had to do what is right. She had to do what was best, if not for her then for him.

_Sometimes, it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over_

_Knowing, there's so much more to say_

The burning intensity in his eyes, the disbelief and hurt, as she told him the biggest and most regretful lie that she had ever made, was still imprinted so clearly in her mind. She told him she doesn't love him. From that moment on, she had sentenced her life to a painful existence, a life without him.

A wry smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she recalled how her beloved had tried to prove that it was a lie. He didn't believe a word she said. She knew he didn't believe a word she said then. He had tried everything then, from cajoling, arguing, fighting, and even pleading, just so she would let him be with her.

Still, she did what she thought was right. So she left.

_Suddenly the moments gone, and all your dreams are upside down_

_And you just wanna change the way the world goes round_.

She looked at the proud man that he had become, standing tall and elegant in his tux, beside his father, waiting at the altar for the woman whom he would spend the rest of his life with. The woman who wasn't her.

The wedding march started, and one by one the wedding entourage walked elegantly on the carpeted aisle. She saw his dad elbow him in the gut, saying something probably lewd to his son who, before, would have slapped him back for it. Now he just gave his father one of the iciest stares she had seen him use and nervously tried to loosen the bow tie in his neck.

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody, _

_wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry_

_Can't you see, that's the way I feel, about you and me baby_

Still the strains of the wedding march played on. The people on the church pews sighed and dabbed their teary eyes upon hearing the lovely song. But for Rukia, every beat and rhythm felt like lashes being slapped in her heart. She could feel her heart rip piece by piece with the song.

She shouldn't be here, she reminded herself, yet her feet and her body refused to move. Her eyesight was now blurred by the tears streaming down her face. The pain was hitting her in full throttle. And yet she could not do anything about it. She deserved it. For the pain that she had inflicted on him, upon the first moment her katana struck his chest, to their painful parting, all of it, all the pain, was hers to bear. Just so she could see the only man that she loves live a normal and safe life.

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, _

_Looking down the road you should be taking_

_I should know, cause I loved and lost the day I let you go_

One by one, Rukia watched as the bridesmaids and flower girls walk down the aisle. There was a deep gnawing pang inside her chest, clamoring to her lungs, making it difficult for her to even breathe. But this was what she had wanted in the first place.

Back then, when they would talk about the future, this was what their wedding day had always been like inside her head. He'd always held her close, her body held tightly and snugly in the warm contours of his chest and arms, feeling safe and secure. And loved. And they would talk of their future, together, forever.

But that was just a dream then, now it was an impossibility. It wasn't she who would be walking down the aisle, heart full of love, eyes full of hope, eagerly awaiting to see their beloved waiting for them with equal amount of love shining in their eyes.

She could have had it all. She knew she could. It was supposed to be her at the foot of the aisle, wearing a lovely wedding gown. She was supposed to spend her life with him forever and ever. It was supposed to be her.

Rukia's breath hitched as she heard the gasps coming from the crowd. Her head automatically spun towards the door, and the vision that she saw there, had ripped her heart into miniscule pieces all over again.

The bride was a sight to behold, in a lovely white chiffon and satin tube gown, her face veiled by a number of tiny shimmering turquoise stones.

Slowly, she looked back at the man waiting at the end by the altar. She saw his lips twitch into a small smirk, as his hands had crept up his chest.

No. .

Rukia knees gave way and she crumpled, broken and sobbing on the ground.

_Tel Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody, _

_wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, _

_Looking down the road you should be taking_

_I should know, cause I loved and lost the day I let you go_

_Can't you see, that's the way I feel, about you and me baby_

She saw him take her hand, as his father gave them their final blessing and her heart constricted anew with what felt like a thousand daggers stabbed within her chest.

She couldn't let it happen. No. She has to stop it. She had felt like dying when she had let him go. Her heart felt dead and numb during ever since. But this, it was like dying, slowly, ever so painfully all over again.

Rukia stood up. She doesn't even know where she got the courage, nor the strength but she stood up. She still doesn't know how, but she has to do something. Anything. She can't let this happen.

_Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together_

_Back in your arms where I belong_

_Now I finally realized, it was forever that I found_

_I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round_

"we are here gathered today, to witness the union of Ichigo and Orihime, and to hear them pledge their life and love to God. To those who are against this union speak now, or forever hold your peace" the priest had said.

"I have something to say"

Rukia saw Ichigo stiffen at the sound of her voice. She had shunpoed about a meter away from the man that she loves. His hand were now tightly fisted, his knuckle turning white, while the other hand gripped the hand of his bride to be. It was a good thing that the sou taicho had locked all their friends powers after the winter war more than a decade ago. Or else Inoue would have seenand heard her by now.

Her heart was beating in a staccato of rhythm so fast, it felt as if it was jumping out of her chest. Her hands were shaking and perspiring. "I have something very important to say" she said again, closer to him by now.

_I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels._

_To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see_

She could see the priest resume the wedding ceremony seeing that no one had objected to the marriage. While Inoue was still oblivious to Ichigo's stiff demeanor..

Only two steps more and she would be able to touch him again. Her mind was racing with words, a jumble of words but his silent glare stopped her short. Rukias heart fluttered and lifted a little. He was angry. She could feel his spiritual pressure filling the whole church.

At least he was feeling something for her. If Ichigo had just looked at her in a blank way or in a non interested way, she would have died right then and there. But he didn't. He was angry. It was at least something.

"I love you" she said, softly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, her hands shaking, her arns aching to be held once again by his strong ones. " I have never, not one second, stopped loving you" she said. Slowly she traced her fingers on the side of his chiseled face, and could have almost sighed at the feel of his skin against her fingertips.

He had not moved a muscle, the only indicator that he had ever heard her was the deeper furrowing of his brows above his eyes.

She kneeled down, her head bowed, mimicking the same position he did when he was pleading with her before. "I am so sorry. I thought I was doing what's best for you. I thought I could let you go and spend a peaceful existence. To give you the life that you deserve" She heaved a difficult breath and continued on "I just want you to know, I love you…" she looked straight into his icy stare, searching for the man she knew, would continue on believing that her Ichigo is still there hidden, within this cold and angry ,man before her. "…always have and always will.' She touched the sleeved of his coat, but he just shrugged it off.

_Even though the moments gone, I'm still holding on somehow_

_Wishing I could change the way the world goes round_

"Ichigo. Please…" she didn't care if she was groveling, she had to make him understand. "Ichigo, don't do this, please"

_Tel Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody, _

_wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, _

_Looking down the road you should be taking_

_I should know, cause I loved and lost the day I let you go_

_Can't you see, that's the way I feel, about you and me baby_

With her heart torn, her head bowed, she shunpoed out out the church, she couldn't bear to hear Ichigo pledge his love to another woman. She had lost. She felt numb. There was nothing else in her life that is worth living for. It was all her fault in the first place. There was nobody to blame but her.

_cause I loved and lost the day I let you go_

She had loved, but lost….

**[A/N]**

**Please don't bring out the bombs yet!. **

**Before anything else, I am a loyal ichiruki fan, so there. Ichiruki, I promise.**

**So, what do you guys think? I am planning on a second chap, this time in Ichigo's perspective. I am just not sure yet as to what song to use for Ichigo's side of the story.**

**I am thinking of a three part fic. The third part would be the conclusion. **

**So, questions, for the second chap, what song do you think is apt to use for ichigo's side of the story? I need ideas here people, I hope you could help me. I need suggestions for the most suited song, one that would fit ichigo's side. So please drop a review or Pm me for the song. Tell me the title and the artist so that i may be able to look it up in the net.**

**Now, for the third chap, what would you guys like to happen to our two main protagonists? Ideas people, and the song that would best capture the scenario or plot of the third chap that you would like to happen.**

**So, review and don't bomb me yet, not until you read it till the very last chap.**

**Ja'ne**


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